sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

title says it all

blog-worthy dinner!

Kevin and I were hungry last night...so we went to wegmans (duh what else would you do when you're hungry) anyways we were going to have jambalaya, but for some reason it didn't seem like an inspiring meal..we did a few laps around the place trying to find something to eat with jambalaya..after two laps all we had in the basket was cannoli. doh. So in perusing through the frozen foods, we spied pierogies...spinach and feta pierogies...being a good polish boy (I think he's part polish) kevin suggested we change our menu. so we did. omg those pierogies were amazing! He had gone shopping the night before and got a club pack of salmon along with some veggies, so we had salmon and broccoli with it..I haven't really eaten dinner 'proper' in a long time..y'know, protein, vegetable, startch. anyways, it was really fun. And we had cannolis to wrap up the meal. yum. I'm sad, he's buying furniture this weekend, but I'm going to be in stupid effing seneca falls. boo. Oh well, I'll just come back and admire the handiwork that I missed. You can't be everywhere at once. Anyways, just wanted to blog about dinner, as it was blog-worthy. Oh and I can't forget to mention the quiche keri made last night!!! I made the crust, she did the rest. yum! I love quiche, my mom used to make it a lot, but then she kind of stopped cooking and the rest of us took over the kitchen. Then I moved to NY

relationshit

there has been a lot of relationshit in the air lately. i dont get the whole drama. I guess thats just my thing..I want a drama-free life, love included. It's kind of hard to find these days, we are pre-conditioned for it through tv and alllll that. I see myself finding a guy that doesnt drive me nuts and then just settling down and having a good life, having a pretty house and a big garden a few pets...dogs cats emus whatever...anyways I roll my eyes at other people's crazy lifes. I like to be nuts like the rest of the world, but when push comes to shove I dont screw around with my personal life...anyways just my social commentary of the minute, the quiche keri made smells DELICIOUS...especially the crust I made! No it all smells delicious, I should not descriminate the smell of the quiche. wheeeeeeeeeeeeee

hot or not?

theres no such thing as the perfect catch...people who are beautiful on the outside are often those who need to do so in order to make up for some strange character flaw on the inside...either they're dumb as a brick...or annoying...or just not nice people. People who are comfortable with their outward appearances not being short of miraculous are the ones who have personality...who dont have to attract people based on their outer beauty, but instead prefer to sit around in their natural skins and wait for other people who can see what lies beneath to grace them with their presence. I recognize that I'm not the ideal 'beautiful' woman as society defines it, but that doesn't mean I'm able to be tossed out in the garbage like any other undesirable. if someone wishes to pass me over, thats fine, they are just not able to see what they are tossing. Likewise, I dont need a guy to be mr. universe, I would prefer that he be a good person and want the best for himself and those around him, y'know spend more time helping out the causes of the world then time spent looking at himself in the mirror. I guess its all what you want to get out of life. On a completely unrelated note, I love nickel creek so much. they are my favorite band ever, I think. They played last summer at one of the free concerts that they have on thursday evenings in downtown buffalo, I wish i had gone. I think I discovered their music the night before that concert though, it would have been kind of strange to just go to a concert and not know the music. I've done it before though, and its not so bad..maybe at a free concert I would be in the same boat as the rest of the people, who knows. anyways.

wtf

quote from a reality tv show... 'with all pun intended, this is so surreal!' there was no pun there, she is just a dipshit. ahh. in other news, ash has netflix now, we just finished watching a movie online...'somewhere in time'..movie from 1980 with jane seymour and christopher reeve and christopher plummer. Interesting movie, although with considerable holes in the plot which left me slightly dissatisfied. It was a romance, and girlie romantic girls would have liked it back in the day..it just kind of made me go hmm. I wont name specifics, mostly time-travel logististics involving what happened when in the story. blah, I don't believe that stupid woman would have waited 60 years to go to that guy's stupid play and give him the watch. totally lame. people dont just wait around for decades for someone just because they spent a few nice days together. anyways, back to it

who are we

*preface...I moved this blog to myspace in an effort to feel more like me, but myspace lost it AGAIN. so here go...
who are we when we dream? are we ourselves in situations we need to figure out in real life, but the situations are presented in an abstract dreamy manner? or are we just floating through some imaginary world, whos impact has no bearing on reality? There are hundreds of other hypotheses...I think if anything, its the former. my dreams have changed since I've moved here..I used to have a lot of 'chasing' dreams, where it was either that I was being chased, or that I was suppossed to figure something out by looking at it, but for some reason whatever I was trying to look at was blocked. Anyways, they are different. I can't tell you how though. It could be lthat in my dreams, I'm just looking at everything with a veil of unemotion, like nothing matters and whatever goes on is just part of the pathetic story we choose to live day by day. I dislike the monotony we are forced to live under. I dont know how I am going to avoid it, but somehow i'm going to live my life like every day is a new adventure..I think maybe I live that way now, sort of. I guess it is, you never know what's going to happen. Maybe the change in mindset is due to the lack of stress this clinic thing puts us through. I was so stressed out for the past couple of years that I came to depend on friends for moral support and likewise I would help them through so we all would stay sane. now, with nothing to really go through, its just kind of boring, and I dont feel like I'm needed or that I need anybody else for anything in particular. I'm sure the stress will start right up again when I start out in practice (either associating or starting my own practice..) hmm stress or no stress, I'm way sick of school. I want to start making money, not living off what i'm goign to make in the future. speakig of which, I am very poor, from paying more expensive rent to paying for boards (which i think I'm going to ask for financial aid, no sense being a hero) ugh it just all adds up, I prefer to just not think a bout finances and hope that they will take care of themselves, but occasionally I have to do something about it. bleh. anyways, thanks for reading

tokaj

I found it! It was at premier, by the ice wines. mmm ice wine. anyways I'm gonna wait for a special occasion of some sort to open it...or a really un-special occasion, which might give me more reason then something good happening. I dunno. anyways we went to red pepper again tonight, the only thing I ever get there is the veggie pho. if theres one thing I can say about k-buff, he knows his restaurants! hah. anyways. Just made another round of goat cheese/fig/pear pizza, this crust came out a lot better then last time. It was nice and sweet, I added some honey and molasses to the crust a la anadama bread (google it if you're not from maine, good shit!) umm I've realized my entire life is spent at wegmans, I'm there at least once a day, if not more. I wonder if the company needs any chiropractors..hah. anyways its so nice not having homework on the weekends, laaaa de daaaahh ok I'm gonna hit the sack for an early night I think, its been a long one so I have the right. not that I wouldn't have the right normally, but especially so now..

because I've been harrassed about my lack of blog..

I get all my angst out from talking with kevin, so I dont have a lot to talk about. I'll do my best though. my lastest boozy fascination is tokaj wine, a dessert wine from hungary. they have some at premier wine and spirits (my favorite place...right after wegmans) and I think its on sale-ish. I dont have much else to say, ash is here for a few days, we will be causing trouble in the all-america city (well one all-america city, i think I've seen moer then one place claiming that title. oh well.

ugh

I hate assholes, especially when I first wake up. A few minutes ago I woke from a wonderful little nap, and did my usual check...myspace, facebook, a few other sites. Anyways I followed a link on the 'feed' when you sign in, someone had removed 'engaged' from their profile, for whatever reason. Anyways I clicked on her profile and there was no clue as to what had happened...but I scrolled down to her comments, and there he was...one of the guys who consistently makes my skin crawl...he had posted some lame thing 'oh its been so long...hope you're doing okay in light of what's happening...we should hang out sometime..' it was OBVIOUSLY a message to try to get her on the 'rebound' when she had just changed her profile information. This is wrong on two fronts...if someone actually did break up with their fiancee, the day of shit going down is NOT the time to be hitting on them. Secondly, if you haven't talked to someone in a while, you shouldn't be so obviously creepy about trying to get in their pants. Ugh he's such a d-bag. He was the assist for myofascial, and just the way he lets power (not real power in that case, nobody really listened to him) be so condescending to everybody else...not a lot of people really rub me the wrong way, but he is definitely one of those people. arrghh!

pretentious hooha

I'm going to the art gallery today...its free admission on fridays from 3-10!!! I'm totally excited, I can't wait to be pretentious and hoity-toity

yeah...

it is so refreshing to find a guy who doesn't give a shit about sports...doesn't know anything about cars...shares my love for weird places to eat, and would rather spend the evening on a random trip to wegmans looking at random fun foods then go to some gross bar to just get drink and 'hook up' with some skanky slut... oh yeah, he spends his spare time playing piano, not hitting balls around on a field or slapping other guys' asses in a stinky sweaty gym. after having to deal with jocks for so long at chiro school, having a real man around is a breath of fresh air

whoa

moon's in virgo...I feel just peachy. anybody catch the lunar eclipse last night? My grrrreat little sis reminded me, so I ran out in my pjs with my coat on to try to see it...it wasn't anything terribly special, the moon just looked orangey and shadow-y. cool though, I couldn't not look. Ummm today was fun, thursday always seems to be my busy day. I feel very chiropractor-y, like I actually know what the fuck's going on. Its refreshing. Maybe I'll like this afterall. One of the patients I've been treating at lighthouse is a scuba instructor, she gave me her card today, so maybe I'll learn how to scuba dive. its 250 for the class (I think thats what she said) which is comparable...she's kind of nuts, but I dont mind. Better to be nutty then a snobby beotch. I had a new patient today, he was nice. It is good to have pleasant, grateful patients. It really makes the job so much easier. Like julie gross said today...the chiropractic is fun, but its not what its really about. its about the patients, and all the different stories they have to tell. That would make a good book, maybe. That might be a HIPAA violation, but maybe as long as you keep the names private. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. anyways.

lunar eclipse!

its a lunar eclipse right now! I had to go outside to find it, I couldn't see it off either of our balconies. Heh I just wanted to say we have balconies. I dont know if we'll ever use them (well probably in the summertime..right now they're slightly useless) maybe someday. Anyways I am quite content in buffalo, sometimes i miss SFNY a little...for some reason, if a smell reminds me of the area I'll get the most sad. I miss summertime in SFNY, riding bikes down lower lake rd, getting dole whip at that weird ice cream place..yeah thats about it. I think its as much missing friends as it is the area though, friends which have been dispersed through necessity of circumstances. Even though friends are everywhere, you can still be reminiscent of the good times you had with peeps and kind of miss that comforting feeling of being around people you can just be yourself with. It is rare, and very wonderful when it happens. Anyways. I am going to finish watching reno 911 and then going to bed...big day tomorrow, bleh.

ass of the day

so I get to be the ass of the day (associate, but I think its more appropriate with the abbreviation)...I managed to score a wednesday, so I've got 3 hours covered with classes...I also had my my mentor meeting...which was interesting in itself, he's making me do my resume and thinking about wher I want to go after I graduate...ew...anyways I'm sitting out my last 13 minutes blogging. It hasn't been to bad i guess, they let us do whatever as long as we do something ass of the day related...filing folders or doing laundry or somethign equally exciting. anyways, I am going home soon and will have a nice bowl of baked beans waiting for me...I love my new crock pot!!!

bleh

sun in pisces, moon in leo. not my forte

sushi!

Ash and I met in rochacha yesterday evening for sushi..she was there for her job orientation, and I had the day off..so we met at this place called california rollin'...it wasn't as pretentious as that place in skaneateles (yeah I can spell it, I just choose not to sometimes) more of a hole-in-the-wall bar/sushi type place. It was good though. Not traditional sushi, they refer to themselves as 'california/hawaii' sushi. Yum! After that we went to target in irondequoit..pooped around there for a while. sometimes I find a lot of good deals, but not really yesterday. Oh well. Kevin went to look at pianos without me (!!) haha no i dont really care, he's just fun to cause trouble with. He's gonna take me there so he can get a second opinion on the one he wants. How exciting! I love the piano, it has such a clean, beautiful sound. Anyways it was nice to be missed, I dont often get people who tell me they want me around. go figure. anyways on the way home I decided that the thruway was lame, so I took 33 all the way from rochester to buffalo. It took a little longer then the thruway would have, but it was totally worth it. The moon was full, the sky was absolutely clear and beautiful. I like driving down roads I haven't before, it just kind of brings out the adventure in me. I drove through a few towns I have heard of before but never visited..hmm I can't think of the name of them right now, very pretty though. Kind of reminded me of main st of canandaigua. It was strange..driving into rochester, it felt like I was coming home. I have to admit it, I occasionally miss seneca falls. Well not so much seneca falls persay as driving from seneca falls to other locales..ithaca, syracuse, rochester..good times. I miss driving around montezuma. Its kinda boring, but very nature-y. I dig it. Anyways I got back from rochester and was NOT tired, so I visited kevin for a little bit. I had a bag of his groceries that he forget in my trunk, so I hand-delivered those (how nice of person am I?!! seriously.) anyways he was tired and I was wired, so I let him go to bed and came back here and tried to settle down..coffee isn't good that late at night, although I enjoy it. I did NOT want to go to lighthouse this morning, but it turned out alright. The patients who kind of annoy me did not show up, which was a relief for me. I got a new patient too, I really want to help her get better! I think we are going to try to transfer her to the main clinic, where her case is still under worker's comp. Anyways I shouldn't talk about patients, just to say that I love helping people get back to their normal routine. You could say its my passion. Anyways, I've got work to do, midterm season is upon us..bleh.

downtown buff

I had a few secret shopper jobs to do yesterday evening, so I took buffalo boy (he's good to say...no dont go down that road, its the MOTHA FUCKIN GHETTO!!!11 omglol) on an epic journey to downtown buffalo to sample the best dunkin donuts the area has to offer..or something. Anyways the first one was easy to find, it was in a delta sonic (gas station extravaganza, they had sushi in the refrigerated convenience section, I didn't dare try it I think it had vienna sausages and cheez whiz in it)...the second one was a little more tricky. actually, it really wasn't, we just made it a lot more difficult then it should have been. It was on Main St...however when they built the subway (which is pretty useless, it doesn't really go anywhere) they built it right on main st, so about a mile of it is un-useable. Anyways, we had the street number but he couldn't remember whether it was before or after the subway crap. Anyways we ended up parking on the next street over and walking. It ended up being on Chippewa, and we had passed it about 10 minutes earlier. It wasn't all bad though..downtown buffalo has some beautiful old buildings, we even walked past the free ice skating rink, it was really pretty. I would have taken a picture, but my camera was in the car. Anyways, it was kind of fun to walk around a bit, kind of get a feel for the city. Unfortunately, that feel is largely an empty shell of a once-great metropolis. As kevin so aptly put it, it is a 'city for introverts'...I really think they should market that, they might get more people if they went that angle. Then we went to Duff's (Kevin's been living here for like 3 years and has never been there..) so we went..the bbq wings were GROSS..they were pretty much just covered with slightly spicy ketchup. The medium wings were okay though, and the fries were crispy and delicious. For some reason he likes eating them with mayo, wtf mate. He says its european, I say its gross! That could relate to my jello/mayo experience though. If you dont know it, I dont want to tell you, just suffice it to say its not a good combo. Ooohhh I think we're gonna go to toronto some weekend, I've never been and want to check out the bustling canadian metropolis...obviously not until it gets a little warmer and there's cool stuff to do (not clubbing/bars though..god shoot me now, thats about as fun as ripping your fingernails out with pliers..) Oooooohhh yeah, the buffalo zoo is getting a few tiger cubs, I have to go visit them when they're here!! Anyways, thats pretty much it from this end. I'm meeting ash in roch tonight and we're doing sushi, it will be excellent, i predict. awesome.

and you bleed just to know you're alive

whoa

I have the strangest feeling this morning..that I should be doing something...it started last night, I got this antsy feeling that I should stop being a slacker and get to work...I do have a bit of stuff to do, a couple of narratives for re-evals I am doing on tuesday, plus finn's exam. I should bang out that exam before I hang out with kevin tonight, yeah that would make me feel better about things. I've just been avoiding it, her exams are actually kind of difficult. bleh. I also have had a renewal in my genuine interest in music...having it as my area in study in undergrad kind of killed any genuine interest in making music just 'for the fun of it'...kevin picked up piano randomly a few years ago, a friend taught him and he just kind of kept at it. Its really nice to know someone who is just doing it for the love of it. It seems like a lot of people I knew in undergrad just did it for the sake of doing it....without the passion. maybe they were as burnt out as I was (being so band-y in high school didn't really help things either..I ate, drank, breathed music...like being in every group I could be in, even show choir, even though I can't dance to save my life..) anyways music as an adult pasttime doesn't seem to be very popular. i mean you can be in a 'rock band' or you can be a professional musician and make money off it, but to just be musical for the sake of it is kind of something that a lot of people don't take advantage of, myself included. I am going to bring my guitar back with me in may, that might help the spark. I dont know if I want my tuba out here, its kind of a betch to move, and where I wont be in school much longer, its hard to say where the wind will blow me after I walk across that stage. woo! I can't count how many times I thought to myself...holy crap I'm not going to make it to graduation, this is too hard...well I think i might just make it. just maybe. anyways I'm happy to have met someone who is so passionate about something i once was, I think its coming back slowly but surely. Oh another thing that I admire..he gets free sabres tickets from his workplace, but doesn't care enough to go. Its so hard to find a guy who doesn't give a crap about sports, especially at a jock school. Anyways, hes my breath of fresh air. nice.

happiness

the ever-elusive happiness has been found, I think. Its so nice to not be wishing...wanting...waiting all the time. it really consumes you. I've accepted reality, and it's accepted me in return. Kevin and I watched 'american history x' last night...I hadn't seen it before (he obviously had, as it was his DVD) anyways that movie was messed up...but very well done. Edward Norton is an amazing actor. It had that little twist at the end that I like in a movie..something to kind of make your stomach churn and makes you think about the movie after you leave the theater. He doesn't have a huge collection of DVDs...neither do i, I think we need to start building our respective collections. I just kind of feel like its throwing away money, unless they are movies you are going to watch a lot. I dunno. Netflix is kind of a good idea, except it requires diligence on teh part of the movie-viewer to get them back in the mail and all that. Or something. Today we went to this little cafe by his apartment, just as we walked in the guy was putting out some of our favorite pastries..filled croissant-like creations. He had raspberry, I had lemon. they were warm and delicious, if a little on the buttery side. He took me to this piano shop (he plays piano) and I picked out some music I thought he would like to try...which he did...Handel is very user-friendly, good to just kind of play. And I found a book of jazz pieces which were so fun to listen to. gives me an excuse to sit and listen to him play...then we went to our favorite wegmans and got stuff for pizza...I have to say that turned out well. goat cheese, fig, pear, and a little honey drizzled on top. The crust was a little weird, I have to work on my crust technique. It was still awesome though. Then we walked around the mall for a while, we're both people watchers (of which there were a zillion there today) although my favorite stores at a mall..random bookstore and random drugstore, weren't there. that mall is kind of dumb, its mostly stupid clothes stores that charge you wayyyyyy too much for clothes. It was fun to walk around for a while though, we were both running on empty at that point. We watched some little girl climb the wall at dick's, that was entertaining. Anyways, its good to be happy, and have a partner-in-crime (dont worry ash you're still my partner in crime too. its always good to have more though...) Oohhh and myspace friends..check out kevin's profile (hes my number 4) he borrowed my top. heheeheheeheh. Ilovebuffalo

whoa

I hadn't been exercising as normally as I should have, I've felt sick and stressed out and whatnot..anyways i got back into it yesterday. holy crap I'm sore! The new plan is to run for an hour on the treadmill and do whatever crossfit's WOD is...scaled for my wimpiness, for now. I am a fairly strong individual, especially for a girl (I have to thank daddykins for that, he's always been way stronger then the average guy..must be all the wood splitting he does or somethin) so I think I can probably get up to the WOD (which is meant to stress even the strongest normal guy)...probably the girl-scaled version for the lifting stuff, but still, its pretty hardcore. anyways, I am quite sore, I really dont want to get out of bed...but the clinic is calling, I have to sit through d-bag steven's lecture...I need to start sitting in the back, he is AWKward, and not in a good way either.

summer

while on the treadmill (where I do some of my best thinking, right up there with the shower) I got the pang to be back home...summertime...in one of our kayaks, on the lake. I pictured it being dusk, and while slowly paddling around the lake I looked around and saw all the camps spotting the shore, and those silly 70's string lights (the weird big ones with the different colors) were strung up at different camps. Others just had their lights on. the lake was perfectly still, so the lights reflected perfectly on the glassy surface. Campfires were visible on the lake, the orange and yellow glow contrasting perfectly with the dark blues of dusk...oh, can't forget...the loons were doing their creepy loon thing. I need to go hiking in april, I think we'll brave the spring and maybe go on break. Maybe dad will be able to go with us, with his new knee! Strangely enough, I've never gone hiking with him. He's big into nature, but I dont think he ever had the desire to actually exercise in nature, hes more the 'stay at camp cook beans on the fire and chop wood to annoy the neighbors' type. anyways...I think I need to move back home after school, and get a house on a lake. close enough to a job and civilization, but still on a lake. Like Dorothy said, there's no place like home

ohhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooooo

so for dr stevens class we have projects to do...he sent out the email today...I'm in a group with my bff keri and none other then mr. d-bag 10th tri steve gillen. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh (not a good ahh, more like an ahh of despair) we just spent a good 15 minutes lamenting over the prospects of this pairing, none of which I can share with the public online community. suffice it to say we're funnnnny

Valentine's day protest

no...Im not going to dress in black and punch everybody who's wearing red and give people red heart chocolate boxes filled with beetles..although that would be interesting...I'm protesting from what the day has become. A day to feel obligated to buy something cheap and forgetful for yet another holiday that society tells us we need to go out and spend money on our loves, lest we be labeled bad people. It's not about buying crap for people...its about spreading love, and telling the people we care about how much they mean to us. I have so many great friends, it always seems there's someone to talk to, even if at times I say I feel alone..thats just me being all emo, as I tend to be sometimes. Anyways, if you're reading this you're probably my friend, so thanks for being so cool! I may not send you a commercialized valentine or whatnot, but aren't thoughts and feelings enough? I think so. Feel free to disagree, but do so in your own blog, this is mine! haha

Who has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap?!!

The correct answer would be 'Bob Kelso' from scrubs...but it also applies to me. I've figured out how to just be indifferent to the world and all the shitty people out there who try to bring others down..just dont give a crap...with a little distraction from an awesome guy, its easy to tell the world to go eff themselves. In my head, obviously. I wouldn't ever say that in person, but you can be sure I'm thinking it. Heh heh. That might not be the best attitude to have, but its better then exposing your 'sensitive side' to people who just want to tear others apart. Nice

neeeeeedy

I am a whiny hoe when I dont feel well. Still a little under the weather, but I think I'll be okay. I got a package in the mail today..from a guy who I figured was in the past. This guy I met on eharmony back in undergrad...at the time he was stationed in Iraq, and would send me these big long emails. I would, of course, send big long emails back to him (come on I blog as much as I do, of course I wrote back) anyways...this went on for a good 6 months..i sent him a 'care package', which was very nice of me..he sent me flowers..twice..which was nice of him. Anyways, when he came back home, I (surprise surprise) never really heard from him again. I was really sad at the time, I really enjoyed talking with him. Anyways I got over it eventually, put him in my past...about a month ago I heard from the guy, he apologized and all that for being such a d-bag. I forgave him, as I tend to do..holding grudges isn't good for one's self-preservation..anyways I got a package from him in the mail. He sent me a few dvds with some books he had scanned onto his computer. A thoughtful gift, I think. I do recall last time I got an actual package/gift from him, it was also in the form of knowledge..back then I was into the myers-briggs grading of personality types..I'm into astrolgoy now, so he sent me a few books on astrology. about love, nonetheless. I dont really think he and I are meant to be romantically enclined, but a good friend nontheless. He's a gemini moon, for some reason I tend to catch those in my aquarian net more often then other people. They float away, but they usually come back sooner or later. Anyways, it made my day 30% more exciting. In other news, I officially purchased sushi from the wegman's near the clinic, the obsession has become reality. I was goign to get a rainbow roll with different pieces of sashimi rolled around it, but it was like 10 bucks..I'll get that to share sometime for a special occasion..I bought plan ol' sushi, it was delicious. OK I'm gonna look at those CDs he got me, if I figure anythign out I'll be sure to let y'all know.

hm...I had forgotten what it was like to talk to people unlike myself..I tend to gravitate towards people who remind me of myself..hanging out with random people in clinic makes me feel like such a dork. I just have a different way of expressing myself...I dont know if its just more wordy or nerdy or what...I just am myself, and sometimes people dont accept that. Its not my problem I guess, I am not one to change my personality for the sake of others...oh well.

existentialist experience

Have you ever been in a random, common location...supermarket, parking lot, convenience store...and just got the feeling of something bigger then yourself? I was just in wegmans wandering around (on the clock I might add. I am BAD) and I dont know whether its just kind of being light-headed from some random sickness I may or may not be coming down with...but I just kind of floated through the store. I was still aware of walking and existing in the present, but at the same time kind of had the feeling I was...somewhere else...it was weird. Walking through the bread section..and the flowers...I kind of imagined myself in a different place at a different time. I kept thinking this morning in the shower how much I just want that erase-y thing from that movie..moving away hasn't helped a whole lot. I need more distraction, a different set of memories, something. I dont know why it hit me all of a sudden, it just kind of blind-sided me yesterday. One day at a time I suppose

dreaming

when you're dreaming with a broken heart..the waking up is the hardest part

nice

I need a cat
Ice Fishing Cat

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sometimes

its quite an ordeal sometimes to figure out why certain people make an impression while others just kind of float on by. I think I feel the need to be connected to people, and tangible objects, activities, just to be grounded in reality...but I usually need help, someone to bring me down to earth. People who make me feel like I'm part of something usually do it best for me. Seeing more and more patients really helps me too..I feel like I'm doing something to help real, tangible people...not just some intellectual stupid thing I read in a book or whatever. Actual crap you can feel with your hands and can do something about. not some stupid emotion that just makes you so sad you can't even function. I've been doing better on that...finding what makes me happy and making it happen. As every day goes by, i think that becomes easier. I've met a lot of great people out here...well most of them I already knew, but getting to know people I've not really talked to all that much in the past few years. It always seems like I'm able to figure something out about life by talking to someone new, or just by watching other people interact. Anyways, life is good

blargh

ever get the feeling that everybody just wants a piece of you? no, not in that sense...just paying bills..everybody wants to get their hands in your pocket. I just want to say eff it all and go live in a hollowed out tree somewhere. I'm tired, I think this warrants a stop at timmy hoe hoes before my patient at 4. yup...after my patient I'm gonna come back here and wrap myself in my 17 blankets (maybe not 17 but I'm a big fan of burrito-style livin) and just veg out for the rest of the night. sounds good. sorry, boring post. my point, I wish life was considerably more stress-free then it always ends up being

whoa

I dont know whats going to happen when I have an actual clinic...after 3 hours of lighthouse this morning, I had three patients..and I'm absolutely exhausted from it. At that rate, I'll be going broke quite quickly. Granted, they are quite needy patients, but still. Ugh. To recoup keri and I tried another restaurant for lunch..I've decided chicken souvlaki is my favorite meal ever. Its like greek salad with marinated chicken and pita...Alton's (the place we went to, and no not alton brown wahhh) served a half-pita with it, which is probably better then family tree which gives you unlimited pita (which is nice of them, but bad for the waistline..) anyways it was really good. Keri's gyro was cold and the fries were eh..but the souvlaki was awesome!!!!! In other news I have to go back to the clinic for my 4 pm patient, I really wish I had the rest of the day off. but nooooooo...stupid patients. anyways, just wanted to share. I'm sure nobody reads this now cuz its not on myspace, but oh well. shit happens when you party naked

oh yeah

I remembered one thing I wanted to say.......so my dad got his knee replaced a little over a month ago..he's doing well btw, went ice fishing a few days ago (an exciting mainer activity, for those of you unfamiliar with the sport, vaguely reminiscent of watching grass grow...) so he's doing well. Oh yeah, my point. He was in a serious car accident in his 20s, I guess he broke his leg pretty badly, I'm not sure of the details...anyways, in talking to mom yesterday she told me that the surgeons discovered the day of the surgery that his one leg was approximately one inch shorter then the other...which, I'm assuming, is from his accident. So instead of the doctor doing his job after he had his cast off in his 20s, he had to go around with one leg shorter than the other for almost 40 years. There's no doubt in my mind that that is the main reason he had to have his knee replaced. Had he seen a competent orthopedic surgeon originally, or a chiropractor who actually checks for leg lengths, they would have been able to have given him orthopedics which would have prevented this surgery. Granted, his surgery was probably in the late 60s, and there's a good chance they didn't know how important it was to have even leg lengths...but still, it kinda sucks he had to go through that surgery unnecessarily

oh

as I go through my day, I usually get a few 'oh I should blog about this' moments. Unfortunately...by the time I usually get to a computer, its too late. It kinda sucks. I guess I'll start off with a 'this is what happened today' blog and see where it goes from there. Ash is here for a few days...I enjoy having her around, its a lot more fun cooking for a few like-minded people then just kind of cooking for yourself...it was chicken wings and pizza last night, I have a random talent for making good sauces. So those were good..the pizza was a little challenging, I think I put too much topping per capita, so the crust kind of got overly brown and the toppings were still not cooked..I solved the problem by putting aluminum foil over the crust and letting the toppings cook a while longer, it was a real pain in the bum though. Ummm today we went to breakfast at a diner a few doors down from the apartment...it was alright, nothing special though. I got my usual...eggs potatoes and toast..it had the potential to be very delicious, except the potatoes were cold-ish..otherwise it was fine. Ash got pancakes, and she went on the record as reporting them as 'rubbery' much like collagen. ew. They probably stirred the batter too much, that is a common mistake amongst pancake makers. Just stir it until everything is wet and LEAVE IT ALONE. jerks. Anyways, it wasn't as good as the place I went with kevin on my birthday, it was called helen's kitchen (which I shall forever refer to as 'hell's kitchen'...) it was really good. We got a few dishes and shared them..namely chocolate chip pancakes, french toast, and chicken souvlaki breakfast (every diner around here has souvlaki for an entree, lots of greek people around I guess) anyways their food was fricken awesome! I really liked that place. Its just a little too out of the way to go to exclusively for breakfast..although there is a target up that way, probably a bed bath and beyond as well..I'm foreshadowing though! Anyways we did breakfast then went to target looking for a hair styling thingie. I usually just get up too late to do anything with my hair, but it really looks good if I put the time into making it look good, so I bought a ceramic hair styler thing...it worked, my hair looks really good today. Too bad I only see the same 7 or 8 people in the computer lab. So anyways after target we went to bed bath and beyond 'cuz ash had a credit left over from an xmas return..she was going to get a rice cooker, but then we walked by the 'clearance' rack we spotted unbelievable deals! She found a nice tea kettle for half off because the box was torn..I found a crock pot for half off for the same reason. What a deal! Heh. So now I have a crock pot, and she has a tea kettle. I was excited. We're having vegetarian chili for dinner, its home crock-potting as I sit here typing. It came with a book of about 100 recipes, which I enjoy greatly. Anyways, just sitting here for my shift rotting. If it wasn't for pandora and addictinggames.com I would have shriveled away to a shell of my former interesting self. Speaking of shriveling, I haven't had the gumption to work out for the past few weeks, and I started again yesterday..holy out of shape batman! You don't realize how much not working out makes you a weakling until you get back into it. I'm gonna make a more conscious effort to keep up with it this time..no slacking off yo. OK anyways I have to do the DAC case. thanks for reading. I dont have any way of seeing if people are reading this blog, so I post on good faith that my readers will migrate over here. If not, thats ok. I blog for my own sanity first and foremost, and if anybody else gets anything out of it, then great.

oooh

there is a way to subscribe to blogs on this crazy website...if you go to the bottom of the blog page, theres a line that says 'subscribe to posts', click it and it will take you to a site that lets you add a 'live feed' to your google homepage (come on doesnt everybody use google nowadays) that will notify you when the blog is updated. A lot less annoying then emails every 3 hours (honestly..I wouldn't have subscribed to my myspace blog, all those stupid email notifications would drive me crazy..) anyways there you have it, alert the media

ok lets try this again..

this is going to be an abridged version of what I had typed on the myspace blog...reader's digest version, if you will. There's a Philip Glass composition entitled 4'33". Its basically a piece of music where the performer sits at the piano for that amount of time. No more, no less. not a single note is played. the intent, I believe, is that everything going on in the room is the actual performance...feet shuffling, nose sniffling, maybe someone unwrapping a particularly loud piece of candy. I kind of think of life as art, in a way. I'll often just kind of stop whatever i'm doing and just begin to see life as a spectator..I'll stand in a room and just watch what everybody else is doing. I usually think of a piano playing somewhere in the back of my mind as this is happening. No, its not like I have any great musical breakthroughs as I'm standing in a room motionless...just the concept of the soundtrack to one's life comes to mind. A few days ago I was in a piano shop with kevin, and as he and the salesman talked about pianos, I watched the window washer outside. It was kind of fitting, it was like the movie in my mind was playing out. The man goign about his business, casual talk about nothing important...and piano music in the background. That was pretty much the gist of my last blog. Although that one was better, this is all I can muster up right now. Ooh, this blog autosaves whatever you typed every few minutes. I like that. Google rocks

myspace ate the blog I was almost finished writing. It was a very good blog, I think. I really wanted to post it, it was one of the best ones i've written in quite a while. I kind of miss it, I might re-write it once i get the gumption. we shall see. I might start using this blog, google is pretty much the best thing ever. Myspace is trashy and useless, I should delete my profile. I wont though, old habits die hard.