sorrow

I was flipping through the tv last night, and came across a show about children who are sensitive to ghosts/spirits/whatnot..and about how they can sense the emotions of the spirits, and kind of take the emotions on themselves. I occasionally will start to feel this great emotion of sadness, for no apparent reason. It has been coming on today, but I've been listening to ray lamontagne, who I have listened to a lot the past few years. i guess it could be my own misery I am reliving, opportunities missed weigh heavily on my heart at times. Perhaps it is a combination of the two, my own misery as well as the feelings of others, either regarding this matter or another. I dont reckon I'll ever really know the truth, but it weighs heavily on me nontheless

wtf

yesterday was a very awkward day, we went to joanne fabrics to get something cheesecloth-like for making soups, I didn't know they would had it so I described to the lady how I wanted something 'course and undyed' so she brought over this thick cloth. I had never seen cheesecloth before, so I figured that would be good. Then she asked what I was going to be using the cloth before. I replied 'straining soups' and then she was all 'OOH HONEY WHY DIDNT YOU JUST ASK FOR CHEESECLOTH' and then ran over and got cheesecloth...right off the shelf...I felt like an idiot. We went to the 'taste of alden' festival, which was fun-o, too much greasy food...then I sent a random email to the chambers of commerce in some maine cities about how they should have 'taste of' festivals, I got one back today about how there's one held in waterville, and since its 40 minutes away they 'dont want to compete' with the festival..stupid. If anything, it would draw more people to the waterville event, because they would know it was going on. whatever. Oh and then some d-bag messaged me last night, I thought it was kevin, but I mentioned it today and he was like 'umm what?' the sn was occasionalsalmon, everybody should harass that sn if they see it online. I feel uber stupid because I started talking to the person like it was kevin, but it wasn't. Oh well, at least I didnt say anything scandalous. lol. anyways, today hasn't been so bad, I blame it on the cancer/aries sun and moon combination.

dreams

ever have such a vivid dream that you wake up and take a few minutes to re-orient yourself to reality? I get those every so often, its weird! In other news, I'm actually in clinic today, I need some new patients so I'm hanging out. Nobody else is here, so it's a good opportunity. Dr Cote actually was just in here looking for peeps, but I've got a patient with him at noon, so that's no good. I can't freekin wait to go back to maine, I spend my days and nights thinking about how wonderful it is in the summertime. I guess it takes time away from what you've got to realize how it affects you when its gone. Only a few more months! Im gonna miss being in school, but at the same time it will be good to have a steady paycheck, buy a house and all that crap..I've been looking at real estate in the area I hope to end up, its kinda pricy but I think just a starter house will do, something with a little bit of land for a garden and maybe a dog and/or cat, maybe a hammock in the back yard. That's all I want in life, too much to ask? I saw a great wicker furniture set at xmas tree shop (the best store ever) I almost bought it, but I dont have space right now for it. Soon grasshopper, soon

chestnut ridge

there's a park a few miles from buffalo, 'chestnut ridge' park. Its like 1200 acres of wilderness with a bunch of run-down picnicking areas with a few roads winding around the park. And its a very creepy place to be, it just has a strange feeling to it. A feeling, I guess i would say, of times gone by, of other places and other times. I think it used to be inhabited by people, but now its just a lonely place. We were walking on a random hiking/skiing/horsebackriding trail, and we passed what I think was an old foundation, and a little bit further we passed an old chimney. I went down to check it out, there was scads of old broken glass bottles strewn about on one side of the chimney, the chimney had a date on it, like '1936' or something. It was hard to tell, part of the date was broken off. Oh yeah, all the picnicking shelters are built with the chestnut trees killed by the plague that swept through north america in the early 20th century, that might be part of the creepy part too. anyways, we'll keep on going there, I just wanted to share the creepiness. Its not just being alone in the woods thats creepy, we were at letchworth yesterday and i didnt get that same feeling at all. Letchworth is pure serenity, minus all the little teenagers who like to randomly stand around on bridges and be lame...oh well. In other news, I'm jealous of all my fellow mainers who are enjoying the summer up there. I'm jonesing for a maine summer real bad. Next year, fo' sho

summer

I miss summer in maine..buffalo is nice, but it's not as nature-y as I'd like..I spose we are about as far from naturey activities are we are in maine...acadia is an hour away, baxter state park is an hour away..maybe the differernce is that in maine you dont travel to nature, you are in the middle of it..yeah. we can walk to our back yard and its the woods, and we live in the middle of town. that is nice. Anyways, only a few more months and it'll be time to go back homeeee! not in time for summer, but there will be summers to come. there are a few nature-y sights around here, chestnut ridge park is a few minutes away, and allegheny is down south for a good time, but its kind of like a cheap subsitute, kind of like how cayuga was a cheap substitute for a good lake. One thing I never noticed about SF, its very pretty in the summer. I was always too preoccupied with this or that to realize it, but its green and water-y and not bad. The problem with that area is that its a drive to go anywhere for decent shopping, even more so with that lame detour...so its important to find a good mix, somewhere between buffalo and seneca falls. Rochester? I was kidding, but that actually isn't so far off. Victor is kind of inbetween rochester and canandaigua, if i was staying in NY I would probably want to live around that area. I'm not, so I don't. OK tyler florence is on...sweet!

so

back in the dark ages, in undergrad, I wanted to get my undergrad degree, but I didn't want to waste a semester student teaching, when I knew teaching wasn't what I wanted to do. The music dept didn't have any precedent for someone in the music ed program doing a capstone paper in lieu of student teaching, but I figured since the gen ed degrees did it, they might consider it. So I submitted a proposal of sorts about how I wanted to do a project investigating the different research done on how music affects a persons ability to learn and creatively absorb other seemingly unconnected subjects. They said I couldn't do it, and I returned the favor by leaving umaine with my 3.6 gpa and no degree. Not that I needed it, but it kind of peed me off that they were so stuck in their ways as to not let students do MORE work for their degree (music teaching is probably difficult in its own ways, but not in the way I wanted to improve myself) anyways here's a website I got from Kate about an organization in the bronx which has put my ideas into practice.. http://www.dreamyard.com/dreamyard/ I'm glad someone else can see this connection, UMaine obviously didn't have a clue

hm

woke up today feeling...different...dont really know how, but just different. This clinic thing is getting old, I'm ready to start makin some monnney, enough with this lame stuff. I wonder when board scores come out, I'm kind of scared to look but at the same time I just want to know. bleh.

aaahhh

I finally got the gumption to get a full-sized bed..its so big and comfy, i'm glad I took the plunge. It just gets crowded on a twin, that should have ended at undergrad. Oh well, I'm a tad late to the whole not-twin-bed thing, but it finally happened. We went to the allentown art festival (ash came up for the weekend) today, it was a lot of fun, but I'm tuckered out..we also tried out the idylwood pool, it was nice and pool-y. Woo

slide shows

strange how people make slide shows for special occasions. I guess its good to remember crap and all that, and for some reason events always seem like they were more fun in retrospect and set to music. we didn't have one at our farewell dinner, cuz the whole thing was a little half-assed...the class below us did however, and from the pictures its seems like they're all best buds and everything is great. of course thats never the case, peopel have likes and dislikes and shit always goes down because that's what shit does. Its nice to pretend everybody likes everybody else at a special event though. anyways, just an observation. Kevin and i drank too much last night, i haven't drank (like more then a glass of wine) in a long time. bleh. farmers market and allentown art festival today! woo!

eek

there's a lot of new students on nycc looking for places to live...I feel sorry for them, knowing all that they will go through in the next few years. Damn, how the eff did I make it to 9th tri..very carefully, I spose. Kevin and I are going to day 1 of the (mu)fulletta guitar competition tonight, I am very excited! I have an acute shortage of arts in my life, that should be cured tonight. It certainly isn't filled by the performing arts elective I'm taking, for some reason that bothers me. I guess maybe that could be the case because I dont like whiny performers, I am kind of of the 'get over it' mindset, too many musicians are prima donnas who need everything PERFECT. I guess if it makes you play better then fine, but I dont want to hear about it. The yoga weekend, on the other hand, was awesome. I really learned a lot, it definitely will be a good thing to introduce into a practice. Oh yeah, I'm going to boston next weekend, I'm excited! I need to get out of this fricken state, ew. Something weird about cheektowagans, in the summertime they turn their garages into living rooms, I went for a walk yesterday and there were tons of people just...sitting...in their garages, it was kind of creepy. I felt like I was being watched. Oh well, its a culture thing I guess..

words

words bring out the sentimental side in me...I found a recipe site online that has a short introduction to it before the recipe, and the way the writer portrays the scene she is describing just makes me long for times past, seasons gone..she was talking about fall, and it made me want it to be fall. Of course, after fall comes winter, which blows. I like summer right now, I think. it still made me reminsce though. also, seneca falls in the fall makes me think about 1st tri, and how strange it was, in many different ways. I was driving yesterday and it made me think about the summer before I came here to school, how excited I was to be moving to another state, get a fresh start on things, start the beginning of the end...and how its almost to a close. I think I've changed a lot, definitely have a lot of different viewpoints on things then when i came here. Mostly I think I'm ready to go home, maine is so beautiful in the summer, its a nice cool breeze most of the time, and just a short drive to lots of different great places on the coast. sigh, and the pace of life is so much less hectic then it is around here, I cant wait to graduate!

fuck

I need to get out of this town, asap. the ghosts in my brain never even existed, and certainly dont' now. I dont know why I can't get some peace in my head. I hate seneca falls

doug's fish fry

holy crap, I'm so mad i didnt know about this place before now...in skaneateles...its amazing! I got it off a hot tip from a cute guy ;) kevin's dad goes there every time he's in the area, and with good reason. that place is awesome! mmm fish and french fries and coleslaw, all slathered in ketchup/malt vinegar/tartar sauce..holy crap.

'dating game'

I was watching curb your enthusiasm last night with kevin..there was this scene where the main character was jokingly going up to some girl and 'hitting' on her at a bar. It got me to thinking, the few times guys have hit on me. I generally ignore them, I dont think its a valid way to meet someone, just randomly have some stranger come up to you and try to impress you..just not a good start to a relationship. I mean...if youre just looking for a good time, then great, but for any valid sort of relationship (which is all I have ever wanted, I dont fuck around with this stuff), its just ridiculous. I dont know, maybe thats a maine thing, people from where I'm from dont try to hook up at bars, we are more serious about that stuff then people from other states, I've realized. anyways. keri and I went to dinner at sample, a restaurant in downtown buffalo that serves small portions, it was delicious and very fun! I got their lavender and honey martini, it was awesome! ugh I'm tired, booze does that to me...wicked...

the bad part

the bad part about living in a city (or very close to a city) is that the travel time to anything is reduced..which is normal a great thing, except traveling to a location is part of the fun. I can recount so many fun times driving to skaneateles for an evening of good ol' fashioned fun, driving to geneva, auburn, syracuse, rochacha...now that we're in buffalo, there's nowhere to go. I applied for an associateship in NH, which would be great...the location is right outside portsmouth, which is a beautiful little city right on the border...its an hour away from boston, probably not taht hard to catch a train into the city and have funnnn..anyways I would like to get back to the commuter lifestyle. dont get me wrong, I really like buffalo, despite its backwards way of thinking (black people dont really talk to white people, and vica versa...) its a city with character, albeit a bit depressing at times. I'm just ready to settle into a job and start makin some money..buy a house so kevin can get his hands dirty in the back yard, have a dog and live the good life..ooh yeah 6 more months baby, I can taste freedom

strange

I dont know why, but for some strange reason I get really annoyed when people take things...anything...seriously. I'm in the 'perfoming arts' elective, and it just bugs me for him to talk about performers and their problems. Its just something I think people should deal with and not be all dramatic about. that might make me a bad doctor, I dont know. dr meechan was talkign about how after a while you just kind of get jaded and dont care about peoples' problems any more. Maybe I'm ahead of my time, I'm jaded before I even get out of chiro school. hmm. that could be an issue for me down the road, just maybe.

thankful

after being chewed up and spit out by several 'guys' (boys) in my life, I'm thankful to find one who isn't like that. unfortunately, the damage is done by the a-holes in my past, and an unfortunate side-effect is kevin needing to deal with an occasional bubbling up of bad memories and experiences. He's wonderful though, I'm lucky to have found him.

hm

I like blogging intermittently on a blog that doesn't notify people when I post...it pretty much guarantees that nobody reads what i write. I dig it. Balance. We all need it, whether we are aware of it or not. I think its one of the main reasons we choose the people who we spend our time with. When I first came to buffalo, I was way out of whack. not going to discuss why, just take it at face value. When a person feels like they are missing something on their scales of balance, they start to do some pretty wacky stuff. I know I was doing very random, un-candace-like things. Not as dramatic as all that, but I def didn't feel myself. anyways, balance is (mostly) restored, although on one hand I hate change, on the other its necessary for personal growth. My dreams have been a little askew lately, though. I just woke up from a dream where I was hanging out with my sister at our old middle school, and buffalos were chasing us around. I dont know what that means, but it was weird. Oh, i probably got the buffalos from being in the park last night..there's a zoo in delaware park, they have buffalos that you can see from outside the park. I ran past them a few times, they're pretty cool. anyways.