sorrow

I was flipping through the tv last night, and came across a show about children who are sensitive to ghosts/spirits/whatnot..and about how they can sense the emotions of the spirits, and kind of take the emotions on themselves. I occasionally will start to feel this great emotion of sadness, for no apparent reason. It has been coming on today, but I've been listening to ray lamontagne, who I have listened to a lot the past few years. i guess it could be my own misery I am reliving, opportunities missed weigh heavily on my heart at times. Perhaps it is a combination of the two, my own misery as well as the feelings of others, either regarding this matter or another. I dont reckon I'll ever really know the truth, but it weighs heavily on me nontheless

wtf

yesterday was a very awkward day, we went to joanne fabrics to get something cheesecloth-like for making soups, I didn't know they would had it so I described to the lady how I wanted something 'course and undyed' so she brought over this thick cloth. I had never seen cheesecloth before, so I figured that would be good. Then she asked what I was going to be using the cloth before. I replied 'straining soups' and then she was all 'OOH HONEY WHY DIDNT YOU JUST ASK FOR CHEESECLOTH' and then ran over and got cheesecloth...right off the shelf...I felt like an idiot. We went to the 'taste of alden' festival, which was fun-o, too much greasy food...then I sent a random email to the chambers of commerce in some maine cities about how they should have 'taste of' festivals, I got one back today about how there's one held in waterville, and since its 40 minutes away they 'dont want to compete' with the festival..stupid. If anything, it would draw more people to the waterville event, because they would know it was going on. whatever. Oh and then some d-bag messaged me last night, I thought it was kevin, but I mentioned it today and he was like 'umm what?' the sn was occasionalsalmon, everybody should harass that sn if they see it online. I feel uber stupid because I started talking to the person like it was kevin, but it wasn't. Oh well, at least I didnt say anything scandalous. lol. anyways, today hasn't been so bad, I blame it on the cancer/aries sun and moon combination.

dreams

ever have such a vivid dream that you wake up and take a few minutes to re-orient yourself to reality? I get those every so often, its weird! In other news, I'm actually in clinic today, I need some new patients so I'm hanging out. Nobody else is here, so it's a good opportunity. Dr Cote actually was just in here looking for peeps, but I've got a patient with him at noon, so that's no good. I can't freekin wait to go back to maine, I spend my days and nights thinking about how wonderful it is in the summertime. I guess it takes time away from what you've got to realize how it affects you when its gone. Only a few more months! Im gonna miss being in school, but at the same time it will be good to have a steady paycheck, buy a house and all that crap..I've been looking at real estate in the area I hope to end up, its kinda pricy but I think just a starter house will do, something with a little bit of land for a garden and maybe a dog and/or cat, maybe a hammock in the back yard. That's all I want in life, too much to ask? I saw a great wicker furniture set at xmas tree shop (the best store ever) I almost bought it, but I dont have space right now for it. Soon grasshopper, soon

chestnut ridge

there's a park a few miles from buffalo, 'chestnut ridge' park. Its like 1200 acres of wilderness with a bunch of run-down picnicking areas with a few roads winding around the park. And its a very creepy place to be, it just has a strange feeling to it. A feeling, I guess i would say, of times gone by, of other places and other times. I think it used to be inhabited by people, but now its just a lonely place. We were walking on a random hiking/skiing/horsebackriding trail, and we passed what I think was an old foundation, and a little bit further we passed an old chimney. I went down to check it out, there was scads of old broken glass bottles strewn about on one side of the chimney, the chimney had a date on it, like '1936' or something. It was hard to tell, part of the date was broken off. Oh yeah, all the picnicking shelters are built with the chestnut trees killed by the plague that swept through north america in the early 20th century, that might be part of the creepy part too. anyways, we'll keep on going there, I just wanted to share the creepiness. Its not just being alone in the woods thats creepy, we were at letchworth yesterday and i didnt get that same feeling at all. Letchworth is pure serenity, minus all the little teenagers who like to randomly stand around on bridges and be lame...oh well. In other news, I'm jealous of all my fellow mainers who are enjoying the summer up there. I'm jonesing for a maine summer real bad. Next year, fo' sho

summer

I miss summer in maine..buffalo is nice, but it's not as nature-y as I'd like..I spose we are about as far from naturey activities are we are in maine...acadia is an hour away, baxter state park is an hour away..maybe the differernce is that in maine you dont travel to nature, you are in the middle of it..yeah. we can walk to our back yard and its the woods, and we live in the middle of town. that is nice. Anyways, only a few more months and it'll be time to go back homeeee! not in time for summer, but there will be summers to come. there are a few nature-y sights around here, chestnut ridge park is a few minutes away, and allegheny is down south for a good time, but its kind of like a cheap subsitute, kind of like how cayuga was a cheap substitute for a good lake. One thing I never noticed about SF, its very pretty in the summer. I was always too preoccupied with this or that to realize it, but its green and water-y and not bad. The problem with that area is that its a drive to go anywhere for decent shopping, even more so with that lame detour...so its important to find a good mix, somewhere between buffalo and seneca falls. Rochester? I was kidding, but that actually isn't so far off. Victor is kind of inbetween rochester and canandaigua, if i was staying in NY I would probably want to live around that area. I'm not, so I don't. OK tyler florence is on...sweet!

so

back in the dark ages, in undergrad, I wanted to get my undergrad degree, but I didn't want to waste a semester student teaching, when I knew teaching wasn't what I wanted to do. The music dept didn't have any precedent for someone in the music ed program doing a capstone paper in lieu of student teaching, but I figured since the gen ed degrees did it, they might consider it. So I submitted a proposal of sorts about how I wanted to do a project investigating the different research done on how music affects a persons ability to learn and creatively absorb other seemingly unconnected subjects. They said I couldn't do it, and I returned the favor by leaving umaine with my 3.6 gpa and no degree. Not that I needed it, but it kind of peed me off that they were so stuck in their ways as to not let students do MORE work for their degree (music teaching is probably difficult in its own ways, but not in the way I wanted to improve myself) anyways here's a website I got from Kate about an organization in the bronx which has put my ideas into practice.. http://www.dreamyard.com/dreamyard/ I'm glad someone else can see this connection, UMaine obviously didn't have a clue

hm

woke up today feeling...different...dont really know how, but just different. This clinic thing is getting old, I'm ready to start makin some monnney, enough with this lame stuff. I wonder when board scores come out, I'm kind of scared to look but at the same time I just want to know. bleh.