why

I dont know why I do this to myself...alone in my apt, nobody to talk to..I should be studying, and while I am, the inevitable lonliness comes creeping in...kevin has been by my side for the better part of a week and a half...he is a very good detractor, has been since we've met. however, there's always that low-level current of wondering how things might have been different. I dont wish to expand further, I really just wish things were as simple as they should be. There's a reason I try to separate myself as far as possible from the situation, because I just want to have some peace in my life...4 months should have done it, but I'm beginning to think it's hopeless. Part of me really misses the good ol times, before things changed so much. I guess change is good, its not like that was going anywhere. As dumb as situations are sometimes though, you like them they way they are, dumb or not. where's my kevin, I need distractions asap