reasons why

I think I've figured out a few things this weekend. not about this weekend, about life in general. I do a lot of thinking about things that aren't happening right then..stuff in the past, or stuff in the future. Anyways, I've realize that whenever I tried to do something to make things happen, it never turned out as planned. As well thought-out and good-intentioned something seemed to be, there are too many variables to make a plan go off as well as one planned. Like me being in buffalo, for instance. I originally had wanted to stay in SF, but I thought someone would be coming out here to be closer to home...so I chose to come out here. Don't ask me why I do these things, they just seem to be be best thing to do at the time. Of course...he's not coming out here. And things have changed. I've stopped waiting around, there's no sense in it. I'm a practical person deep down, although also sentimental, which gets in the way of being practical. Anyways, here I am. Buffalo. All is not lost, I've had a lot of fun, met a great guy who appreciates me for what I am, which is all i've ever wanted...someone I can have a conversation with and just co-exist in harmony. No drama, no dramatic episodes of insanity...and I think things happen for a reason, regardless of if the intent of the decision was lost somewhere. So, I've decided the only way to live is to just look out for yourself and others who present themselves in your life. You can't force someone to be who they are not, and that's that. Maybe I'll co-post in myspace, that might be cool. sure.